How you feel about your gender and who you are attracted to is very personal and has nothing to do with your SMA. If you find that you identify as heterosexual, lesbian / gay, bisexual, transgender or another identity, it is perfectly ok for you to have those feelings. It is up to you who you want to tell. You may or may not feel you can talk to your family or friends.

There are other organisations that you can talk to including:

Regard – a national organisation of disabled lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgendered people.

Kooth – available in most areas in England. This is a free, safe and anonymous online counselling and emotional well-being platform for children and young people, accessible through mobile, tablet and desktop.

SMA does not affect your sexual development which, as for any young person, includes exploring the parts of your body that feel good to touch. Masturbation gives a pleasurable, sexual feeling and is perfectly normal. It should not make you feel guilty. Your SMA may though make it difficult for you. Your muscle weakness may mean it is not easy for you physically and you quite possibly do not have much privacy. It can be especially difficult if you are male, as one person said to us:

‘It’s a normal part of growing up to learn and discover about sexual play but how and where is a very disabled person, who cannot get out of bed themselves, supposed to do this, when a parent or carer will come in in the morning, and pull back the sheets?’

There are not any easy answers to this. Any parents can find any of their children’s developing sexuality a challenge to get their heads round. For many young people, parents are the last people they want to know about what they have been doing.

You could think about talking to:

• Your family about ways to give you more privacy from them and any personal assistants you have
• One of your personal assistants or carers who you feel comfortable with
• Someone in your medical team who you get on with and can ask to see on your own.

If you can not think how or when you can bring up the topic in a conversation, you might want to copy some of the information in this section into a message to say, "can we talk about this" and send it.

It is not always easy to meet new people which makes internet dating sites a popular option. If you are thinking of this, these general guidelines might be helpful:

• Is the website a member of the Online Dating Association (ODA)? If they are then they will have to follow a code of practice, but it is still important to be careful.
• When you set up your profile do not give out too much information. For example, do not give your surname or any other identifying information such as where you live, study or work or your contact details.
• Take things slowly and only share more information if and when you feel comfortable to do so. Do not share pictures or information that you would not want shared widely or that could give someone a hold over you.
• If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable or tries to pressurise you into giving them your personal or financial information, stop communicating with them, and tell the dating provider. No one should be asking you for money when you have only just met.
• Make sure your internet security is up-to-date and do not open attachments from people you have only just met.
• Get to know people on the site first before you arrange to contact them outside of the dating site.
• If, after getting to know someone, you do arrange to meet them in person, follow good safety advice.

Get Safe Online – more information on safe online dating.

You can use the same internet dating websites as anyone else. In addition, there are some that are more specifically for disabled people:

• The Outsiders Trust – a peer support and dating club with an online club for over 16-year olds as well as a sex and disability helpline. Phone: 07872 681 982
• Disability Match – for UK disabled singles

Your SMA may make it more challenging to find positions which are comfortable. You may need to experiment with this and with different ways to enjoy a sexual relationship.

Contact have information on their website here.

Disability Horizons – founded by two disabled guys in 2011, published articles on a wide variety of topics, all to support the aim of a world where disabled people live exactly as they choose. They stopped adding to their website in April 2023 but there is a lot of great material still on there including a section on relationships and sex.

Enhance the UK – a user-led charity that offers disability awareness training as well as advice and information on sex and disability

Sex with a Difference – sex information for disabled people, carers and professionals

Spokz – has been recommended to SMA UK for sex aids – (search sex aid products)

The Outsiders Trust – a peer support and dating club, offers information and advice on overcoming the possible physical difficulties of having sex when you are disabled. They also have an online club for people aged over 16 years and a sex and disability helpline: Phone: 07872 681 982

The following organisation has also been recommended to SMA UK:

The Mix – online guide to life for 16-25-year olds. It provides non-judgemental support and information on everything from sex, exam stress, debt and drugs.

Safer sex is about using contraception if you do not want to get pregnant and to avoid the chance of getting a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI).

A GP or family planning clinic will give young people over 16 years of age confidential advice. If you are under 16 years of age the advice may not be confidential. To help you choose the best contraceptive for you, they will need to ask you how your SMA affects you. They will ask about any medication you take and any allergies you have, such as to latex.

You can also get advice from these organisations:

Brook Advisory Centres – free and confidential advice on sex, relationships, contraception and pregnancy to young people under 25.

Family Planning Association – free advice on contraception, sexually transmitted infections, and pregnancy.

Emergency contraception can be used by women whose contraception did not work or who did not use any. It must be taken quickly to stop a pregnancy so needs immediate contact with the GP or family planning clinic.

You have the right to say no to sex and no one should ever make you have sex or touch you in a sexual way if you do not want them to. If you are worried that this has happened, or might happen to you, it is important to tell someone you trust about what has happened.

ChildLine or Phone 0800 11 11 – for anyone under 19 years old

Support Line or Phone 01708 765200 – confidential emotional support to children, young adults and adults.